Good News Tuesday

Jiminney Christmas ... this story makes you feel all warm and cozy about things, doesn't it?

The Portland Press Herald reported today about a report issued by the Alliance for a Clean and Healthy Maine that documents the wealth of fine chemicals we Mainers are able to accumulate merely by frolicking within our state's natural splendor:

On paper, the high school senior, the Republican state senator and the operating room nurse appear to have little in common.
But test their hair, urine and blood, and a potentially toxic bond begins to emerge, according to a study of 13 Mainers being released today.
All harbor a surprising array of chemicals from household and personal care products that may seem innocuous but could have the capacity to cause problems such as cancer and damage to the reproductive system, says the Alliance for a Clean and Healthy Maine, a coalition of organizations concerned about the environment.
"People in Maine are not immune to chemical exposures even though we think we have a pristine and healthy environment," said Dr. Rick Donahue, a visiting scientist with the Harvard School of Public Health who collaborated with the University of Southern Maine on the study.
The study stresses that toxins are everywhere, from the televisions we watch to the shampoo we use to the foods we eat. Donahue said two participants with the highest levels of mercury, a neurotoxin that builds up in fish, were regular sushi eaters. The person with the most arsenic had built a garden using pressure-treated wood, which leached arsenic into the soil.

The Alliance for a Clean and Healthy Maine is a coalition of other organizations including the Natural Resources Council of Maine, which posted a press release about the study here.

In a related story, The Onion reports that "Seven-Year-Old Enjoys Fun Toxic-Spill Evacuation":

Lucky second-grader Donny White, 7, enjoyed the thrill of a lifetime Monday, when a full-scale emergency evacuation of his small southern Ohio town was ordered following what EPA officials are calling one of the most disastrous toxic-chemical spills in U.S. history.

White, who reportedly giggled and clapped his hands with glee during his big adventure, was relocated along with 15,000 other Pleasant residents after a transport train derailed while pulling into the loading dock of a Global Tetrahedron chemical plant near the town's perimeter, colliding with the facility. The impact ruptured three of the building's five massive storage tanks, releasing an estimated 3.5 million cubic feet of concentrated Zardozichlorate-3 gas into the surrounding countryside.

"It was so fun!" the wide-eyed White said of his potentially fatal exposure to the toxic substance, which killed nearly $200 million in crops and livestock in a 20-mile-wide area downwind of the accident site. "We got to get out of school, and there was helicopters, and then we got to ride in an Army truck to go see Mommy and Daddy!"

Quoth Mr. Reed: "And the colored girls sing...