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Monday, June 05, 2006

Cubs Fans not = Red Sox Fans

Many baseball types in New England make the grand mistake of thinking that, because the Chicago Cubs have a similarly feeble/futile history to that of the Red Sox pre-2004, that Cub fans must be similar to Red Sox fans. That is to say, they can tell you what count Mike Torrez had on Bucky Farkin' Dent before the midget SS looped a HR into the net. I find it hard to believe that either of these two fans could tell you what was happening on the field at that time, much less anything about Cubs teams past.

As I observed firsthand, this is not so. CubFan, or rather, WrigleyFan, is not a similar creature in the least. While there are Cubs fans who are truly knowledgeable about both their current team and the team history, the scene inside every game at Wrigley is filled not by these folks but by clowns who are there to be seen in Wrigley and sing along with " Take Me Out to the Ballgame ," as sung by Hillary Duff.

Here's a nice piece from the White Sox perspective about how Cubs fans suck. Keep in mind, the phrase "nice piece" in terms of a trip to Wrigley usually implies something entirely different. So bear with me here.

Instead of ranting myself about this, I submit to you the following discussion between a handful of Midwesterners who either hate the Cubs, are annoyed by Cub fans, or find themselves in the unenviable position of being a real Cubs fan annoyed by the pseudofans.

I present it as it occurred, rather than in the typical upside down email format:

Angry L.A. Greg said (after attending a Dodgers-Reds game at Dodger Stadium):


The home run Griffey hit last night was right in front of us. It left the yard in about 1.1 seconds. It was key. I can't believe the idiot who got a Griffey home run ball threw it back (from the street no less). Cubs fans perplex me. What kind of idiot throws back a homerun ball from Ken Griffey? I wouldn't even throw a Neifi Perez homerun ball back. Idiots.

One thing I truly hate about Wrigley is people getting up and down every 10 seconds. Why can't people wait until the end of the inning to go get their 4th hotdog? And it is the same guy/gal every time. Wearing a Kerry Wood jersey with a stupid LaSalle Bank Cubs floppy hat and talking on their cell phone. They should blow that place up.

Here endeth my rant.

Buffalo Josh replied:

I was talking to some guys at work today that are Cub fans and they all had the same answer "oh, they don't throw that ball back. They throw back a ball they snuck into the stadium with them." So basically 5,000 people in the bleachers must carry 2-3 baseballs each in their jeans (under this theory).

Yeah. I believe it. I'm certain everyone in the outfield smuggles in a ball to use to throw back. Given the sobriety level of the bleachers I'm certain 3,000 or so balls would never be thrown at once on the field in protest. Idiots. Liars.

[Holland Rat Bastard] Dan you need to switch your fandom. Root for the Red Sox. At least their fans aren't complete buffoons. Root for the Hanshin Tigers. I don't care. Please switch to another team. I'm begging.

Hanover John replied:

I have the same problem with Wrigley.....

Essentially - when I think about old time baseball parks (Yankee stadium, Tiger stadium, Country Stadium, Boston and Wrigley) - I always liked Wrigley and Boston - but when it comes down to it - Boston wins out because the fans in Boston actually KNOW what's going on … they pay attention - and they are not overly worried about the hot chick in the bikini top … of course - in Boston - there are no hot that makes it a little easier … but Wrigley fans are about going to the park to be seen and Boston fans go to the park to watch…

Speedway (Contrary) Tim replied:

Boston fans also run half their players out of town and obsess over the shortcomings of the 25th man on the roster. The only guy ever run out of Wrigley was Lou Brock.

I love Wrigley and I love the bikini tops. Seriously, John, would you watch the Cubs? They suck. Their line up the other day was Pierre, Womack, and Michael Barrett! Not exactly a Murderer's Row;not even a Misdemeanors' Row (seriously, folks, I got hundreds of them).

The key is to avoid the bleachers. I liked Wrigley a lot more (A LOT!) when we stopped sitting with the drunken hook up crowd …

Hanover John replied:

Agreed - but Boston fans know about baseball, whereas the Cubs fans know about nearly nothing …

I wouldn't watch the cubs this year - they are awful....but in the years that they were good - all the fans seem to care about is bowing to Sammy and looking at the hottie in the red bikini … oh - and saying hi to Sammy woo woo … I mean seriously - there were games that mattered that I went to - and the people in the bleachers STILL didn't pay attention …

I think you are right about escaping the bleachers - unless you have the same goal as the rest of the crowd (to get crazy drunk) - then sitting there sucks …

[A friend] and I went there once … and we ended up getting about 6 beer baths and had the benefit of listening to the idiots from some college talk about how much they wanted to [obtain carnal knowledge of] every woman in Wrigley …

Rikki replied:

Here's a funny point -- people outside of the midwest don't understand that
the bulk of Greater Wrigleyville is filled with pseudofans who can't tell
you who this year's set-up guy is or name 5 guys from last year's roster, but
who still chant "SAAAMMMY!!" whenever a largish black player strolls to the
plate in a Cubs uniform. They don't understand that the attraction of
going to games for the stupid majority is Wrigley, rather than the Cubs.
If I was Holland Rat Bastard Dan, I would be embarrassed but rather than switch allegiance, I would instead fight aggressively to get the idiots to disown their team. Perhaps some continuing success by the White Sox will work toward that end.

Buffalo Josh replied:

Case in point is the guy behind me last night who said "the Cubs are bringing in Remlinger" when they brought in Scott Eyre. Eyre – a prized free agent acquisition. Remlinger … I believe released early LAST year due to general incompetence. I pondered screaming "NOMAAAAHHHHHH" every time a
ball was hit to Ronny Cedeno but didn't want to confuse the man further
(please read man as: imbecile).

I concluded:

That is brilliant! The best part is that one game I attended with Carrie and a handful of her friends, somebody did the same thing with Van Poppel. I forget what they wrongful called him -- for laughs, I'll pretend it was Letroy Hawkins. [it was Kyle Farnsworth].


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